The Secret to Having Better Sex

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If there’s one thing everyone should strive for in their lives, it’s to have better sex. Good sex can lead to an increase in mood, overall pleasure, lack of stress, and a happier partner (among great bragging rights).

But how do you achieve better sex? Well, there’s only one secret: practice.

As the saying goes with anything, practice makes perfect. The more you do something, the better you get at it. And sex is no exception to the golden rule.

Through the years, I’ve found a few things have helped contribute to having better sex. I’ve found that older partners are the best to have in bed, and that’s due to their experience and having plenty of time to practice. I’ve seen it time and time again with partners who are older than me, especially with one partner who was more than 20 years older than me. It was quite literally the best sex I’ve ever had.

I’ve also found that sleeping with different types of people has greatly helped. I’ve learned how different bodies like to be pleased, been exposed to new kinks or areas of pleasure on someone else’s body, and learned what I like in bed because of how they pleasure differently from the other. It’s like all the experiences each individual has had with all of their partners in the past helps lead them in the direction of being good in bed because you learn so much.

I’ve always been a sex enthusiast.

I genuinely enjoy having sex and the pleasure it brings. Also, I view almost every time I have sex as a time to learn or enjoy, to test the limits if you will. I don’t view it as a chore, nor am I scared of it. I look at it as a potentially new experience.

People may label those with sexual experiences as sluts or whores. But even if they have sex with different people, those in serious relationships with one sexual partner for a long period of time will probably have more sex in that span. But they’ll stay doing the same repetitive thing because that’s all they’ve ever known or learned.

For example, I would have never learned that I enjoy certain parts of my body being kissed, licked, sucked or nibbled on had I continued to have sex with my ex boyfriend at the time. I only learned that those things bring me such pleasure from a casual hookup partner from a year after the break up.

Now, it’s something I get new partners to do and try, and from there when they move on to someone else, they might try that with them and they can learn just how pleasurable that is too. It’s a big cycle.

Although I’m an advocate for getting as much sexual experience as possible, I obviously encourage safe and consensual sex. And with that, I also encourage people to = experiment with interests or kinks. Even if you don’t have one but your partner does, patiently think about it and decide if it’s something you could see yourself trying after getting comfortable with the idea, or agreeing to only do it once, you can always stop mid-way if you aren’t enjoying it. You’ll learn things about yourself you may not have known had you not tried it.

Another benefit of gaining more sexual experience is gaining confidence in your body.

People can be insecure about their bodies, especially early on during their sexual journey. That’s totally normal. And those insecurities can lead to people shying away from wanting to do certain things or experiencing certain pleasures. I know I experienced that at times, but instead of focusing on what my body looked like, I focused on the sensations I felt when my partners were doing things to my body.

I got to the point where I was confident enough to not even think of how I looked, but purely how I felt. As a result, I was able to be open to having more sex because I didn’t have any fear about my body. And that confidence is even sexier to most people than what you look like naked anyway.

The sexual experiences accumulate to better skills and lots of practice. You’ll gain that confidence over time, and with good practice that will come just as quickly as having better sex will. And they all go hand-in-hand. Be safe, be open, and be present in the moment.

Feature Image by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

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