The ‘Bad Habit’ That Could Be Sabotaging Your Relationship Right Now

Falling in love with someone you’ve been dating is usually a beautiful and romantic experience, but when depression, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues surface and cause you to turn into a negative coping mechanism that’s a bad habit. Procrastination, it can provoke problems in a relationship that you may not have. Procrastination is the gap between intention and action, which is why people who procrastinate sometimes find it difficult to find love or end up sabotaging their relationships on their own.

The word procrastination comes from “pro” which means forward and “disruption” meaning tomorrow. So procrastination means postponing until tomorrow. It is the act of doing less pressing tasks and a preference for more pressing tasks or doing more enjoyable things rather than less enjoyable tasks.

Procrastination voluntarily delays the intended course of action despite the expectation that it will be worse than the delay. And no, procrastination is not a time management or planning problem. It is a force that prevents you from following through on what you plan to do, which can lead to self-sabotaging relationships.

In short, procrastination:

  • irrational.
  • It pushes you to act against your own judgment.
  • It backfires.
  • disruptive to personal and business life.

20% of people consider themselves chronic procrastinators.

Are you one of them?

Research shows that we regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did. Procrastination prevents you from living life to the fullest. The main reason we procrastinate is that taking action will cause us a certain amount of pain and discomfort. We avoid certain tasks because of the risks of shame, vulnerability, and failure. Taking action means that we may make a mistake or we may fail. We don’t want to act and look less than perfect. Therefore, we choose to avoid taking any action and instinctively fall back into our comfort zone.

Unfortunately, we will not make progress unless we take action. In an effort to protect ourselves from failure, we often create our own barriers to success. Psychologists refer to this as self-impeding, which is the deliberate sabotage strategy of our efforts, and research shows that by creating barriers that make success less likely, we well protect our sense of self-efficacy.

Ironically, we are more likely to self-impair when the stakes are higher. The more important the task, the more the procrastinator needs to protect himself by not trying too hard. Procrastination appeals to some of us as a way to control our lives in a small way; Life can become chaotic and uncontrollable. In this way, procrastination is a coping mechanism, because by staying in our comfort zone we avoid the negative consequences that may come with taking action.

Unfortunately, procrastination is a form of self-deception which only adds to the chaos.

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Whatever your comfort zone is, you pay a heavy price to stay within it. Your comfort zone is a shrunken world where great opportunities, ideas, and relationships can easily pass you by. When you procrastinate, you shift responsibility to your future self. So how does this affect our relationships?

Healthy relationships are built on teamwork.

When you sign in to become someone’s partner, you become part of the partnership. When one team member loses their goals, the whole team loses, hurting your relationship. If you fail to contribute 50 percent, you are not postponing your end of the deal. If you are a procrastinator, you are ruining your relationship. Some relationship counselors refer to procrastination as a “slow-burning relationship issue,” acting like a snake slowly squeezing the life out of your love.

Here are the four ways procrastination destroys relationships:

1. It can stress you out.

A procrastinator is often a kind and caring person who wants to make their partner happy. They are more relaxed and thrive in non-demanding environments. Procrastinators will do marginally useful things because they avoid doing tasks that they may feel are difficult or time-consuming. As a result, the partner may feel unimportant, uninterested, and ignored.

Thus, resentment, mistrust, and a downward spiral may begin, eventually causing further damage to your self-esteem, self-confidence, and motivation. You may get frustrated and stop trying for fear that any action you take will be too late or not enough.

2. You risk losing your partner’s trust.

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One day, your words and promises may mean nothing to your partner. When your partner expects you to do something and you put the task off for another day at another time, the result is that you are seen as unreliable.

Relationships thrive when promises are kept, agreements are kept, and commitments are kept.

Procrastination leads to lost time, endless delays in completing the task at hand, and many missed opportunities. In relationships, undone tasks can become a symbol of a partner’s unmet needs, as well as a measure of disrespect and a lack of interest in procrastinators.

All of these things not only hinder the progress of your relationship, but also make your partner feel as if they can’t count on you. Your partner may slowly start taking on more tasks alone and shift you to the sidelines more and more. This can lead to you feeling useless. We all want to be needed, so being seen as untrustworthy can cause further damage to your self-esteem.

3. It can delay the improvement in your relationship.

Many unhappy couples spend needless months lamenting the state of their relationships while not making a strategic or proactive effort to fix the situation. If you’re procrastinating, even though you’re clear about your unhappiness, you can even procrastinate starting conversations to address your relationship.

Initiating the necessary conversation is understandably difficult and intimidating. However, your relationship will only grow when you overcome harmful and self-destructive behaviors. Failure to act may bring temporary peace, but it only exacerbates future discomfort.

Initiating conversations about weakness in certain aspects of your relationship is a difficult task that elicits fear and uncertainty about the outcome of the discussion. You may find it easier to remain silent and hope that the relationship will improve on its own. But guess what? This will never happen! Procrastination is the trade off of present-day annoyance with long-term, chronic unhappiness.

4. Procrastination affects your feelings of self-worth.

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Procrastination is likely to lower your self-confidence and cause an increase in depression, which affects the way you interact with others, especially those close to you. The doubts that creep in about your competence will likely push you away from your partner as you try to hide your fear of failure from their viewpoint. Your partner needs your loving presence in the relationship. This requires your interest and commitment to honoring your agreements.

Strengthening a relationship means investing your time in it. If you do not have time to invest, it will be impossible to hold out for a long time.

The original article was written by Christopher D. Brown on YourTango

Featured image via Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels

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