Trust issues start with trusting yourself, before you can trust someone else. One day, someone screwed up, someone gave another reason to distrust, and from that seed “trust problems” blossomed. All over the world, in bedrooms, meeting rooms, and even in stadiums, we have become a community built on trust issues.
To trust someone, without having trust issues, is to trust ourselves enough to be ourselves. You mean I should be completely transparent, say what’s on my mind, and ask what I’d like, and that’s going to get rid of trust issues in my relationship? Yes!
It all starts with you, followed quickly by how you respond to those annoying little prospects your partner throws at you – consciously or unconsciously – that undermine your self-confidence. Look, it’s all about you and your trust issues, in the same way it’s about your partner and their trust issues.
So, how do you solve trust issues as they arise? Are there specific relationship tips that can help us get over feeling this way?
I would say, “Take a cue from my side of the fence, gay men,” but, unfortunately, we don’t handle trust issues any better than the rest of the population. But in our defense, and in defense of gays and lesbians everywhere, we have committed the world to not trusting each other.
From the very first moment we were so kind when we walked in, or were caught playing GI Joe in the mud, while we were putting on Mary Janes dress and Sundays, we learned to keep our defenses and not trust anyone who might find out our secret. But we all have trust issues, and if you say you don’t, I don’t trust you.
In fact, if you are having trust issues, you may be wondering how to get past this hurdle. These five tips will help you become more confident in your life.
1. Trust yourself.
I know it’s already been said, but this is really the starting point for overcoming previous trust issues. In somewhat similar words to Ru Paul, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?” Preach!
2. Determine what confidence means to you And your partner.
Guys are not mind readers, and if you claim that, why are you having confidence issues? If you can read minds, there is no need for trust issues, because you already know what your partner is thinking.
For the rest of us, ask and you will receive. Talk about trust and what might break or cause trust issues in your relationship.
3. Take a look in the mirror.
Trust issues arise because what you see in another person as a matter of trust is a direct reflection of something you don’t want to see in yourself. You may think that your partner is cheating on you, and even if you are not cheating, you may even think about it, or even cheat emotionally with someone.
You may not even realize that it causes sinister texts of “a cheater as a cheater does” appear in the wonderful play that is your real life. Look at yourself and ask, “What’s really going on with my trust issues?” It might shock you, but it might keep you from being a crazy maker.
4. You have open relationships.
Did you just advocate for an open relationship? Yes, I did. Relationship “Open, let’s communicate, be transparent and stop hiding because we all have trust issues, admit our stuff.”
No, that doesn’t mean you have to have different lovers, although if that makes trust issues go away, you’ll have more power. But what I’m really saying is, be open and vulnerable so trust issues become dead issues, not a dead relationship.
5. Put trust in.
If you trust me, you will support her again. One of the hardest parts about trusting, and overcoming past trust issues, is giving trust freely. However, when it is seen as a gift that keeps on giving, it is easier to watch trust issues decline.
The moment you take the trust, without giving back in return, you have abused the right to trust. And who wants to be abused?
Regardless of the circumstances and regardless of your sexual orientation, trust issues are trust issues. Whether it started with a little white lie, or exploded from the shell of infidelity, trust is trust.
Personally, once the little tongue issue was resolved, I realized, because I trusted myself, it was easier to tackle trust issues head on in all of my relationships. Now that I have solved my problems, I am the perfect partner, the perfect father, the perfect ex-husband, and the perfect life coach. No!
However, what I discovered was that it became easier to acknowledge me when I had trust issues, to talk through, and to be open to listen when others didn’t trust me. Lesson learned? Trust issues eliminate the beauty of trusting that you can have a happy life. Now get out there and start trusting.
Originally Posted by Rick Clemons for YourTango
Photo by Emma Pauso from Pexels